26.10.08

petit dialogue entre œdipiens cathodiques

(ou éloge des gros lourds)

Personnages :
  • Eugénie, 17 ans
  • GAMMA, 17 ans
  • Ulsio, 18 ans
Eu.— mais c'est quoi ce programme ? C'est truffé de fautes
GA.— j'te trufferais bien, coquine
Eu.— espèce de petit—
Ul.— non mais attends, la prochaine fois tu veux pas dire qu'il est "fourré" de fautes ? C'est pas très juste mais j'aimerais bien changer la blague un peu. Et te fourrer aussi, j'aimerais bien, oui
GA.— ça devrait être rétroactif aussi
Eu.— non, et de toute façon ton truc ne sert à rien… c'est… hum, c'est aaah comme pisser dans un violon
Ul.— se branler dans un violon
Eu.— quoi ?
Ul.— on dit "se branler dans un violon", pas "pisser"
GA.— je confirme, ça serait totalement idiot de pisser dans un violon
Eu.— c'est le principe : ça veut dire que c'est inepte et inutile
GA.— mouais… J'veux dire, c'est quand même dommage pour le violon, il est foutu après, donc techniquement ce n'est pas inutile ; ça ne sert à rien mais ça change pas mal de trucs, donc je peux pas—en mon for intérieur—dire que c'est inutile—ma conception du truc, tu vois. Alors que si on se branle dedans, ça devrait pas changer grand-chose, suffit de trouver la bonne position
Ul.— et les cordes font de sacrées sensations
Eu. — quoi ? T'as déj—
GA.— c'est vrai ?
Ul.— ouais je t'assure, tu devrais essayer. Si je pouvais me faire Eugénie—je te cite juste comme exemple ma poule—à loisir je m'en servirais pas, mais là je suis seul et… ooooh oui tu vois, on fait ce qu'on peut
GA.— c'est pas un peu serré ?
Ul.— évidemment, mais ça augmente les sensations. Bon il faut prendre le coup étant donné que c'est euh un peu coupant, mais sinon c'est parfait, tu détends un peu et hop. Pour ceux qui débutent on peut aussi changer directement les cordes, ça vibre moins bien mais ça évite d'avoir une bite de lépreux
Eu.— c'est plus glamour qu'avec une flûte en tout cas
GA.— la flûte… un grand classique…
Ul.— y a des flûtes glamour, rien qu'une traversière c'est la classe. Sûr que si tu gardes ta merde de collégienne en plastique même pas impression bois tu va avoir une sale réaction en te pipotant le minou
Eu.— euh, oui… on va dire que j'ai rien entendu
GA.— en attendant c'est très con cette expression, c'est comme—
Ul.— je connais une boutique musicale sympa pas trop loin si tu veux
GA.— faut pas jeter le bébé avec l'eau du bain, c'est débile, fau—
Eu.— faudrait une sacrée bonde, oui, tu l'as déjà dit des milliers de fois. — Ulsio, je sais pas trop, on en reparlera…
GA.— rien que l'aspect musical, évidemment
Eu.— oui enfin j'ai dit on verra, faut pas mettre la charrue avant les bœufs
Ul.— ta mère
Eu.— quoi ?!
Ul.— on dit "faut pas mettre la charrue avant ta mère", pas "les bœufs"
GA.— je confirme, ça serait totalement idiot de mettre la charr—quoi ?
Ul.— ouais, qui se ferait une charrue de toute façon ?
GA.— je sais pas… ta mère ?
Eu.— vous êtes lourds
Ul.— pour le coup, je te trouve un peu… obtuse
GA.— pas comme ta mère, encore que… c'est quoi un angle obtus déjà ? plus ou moins que droit ?
Eu.— vous êtes juste lourds
GA.— comme ta—non… trop facile
Eu.— c'est ta mère qu'est facile
Ul.— mec t'es une buse, tu te fais avoir à chaque fois
GA.— chaque fois to you, sir
Eu.— quelle morgue
GA.— double assassinat dans cette rue, je crois bien. Le coupable n'était pas ma mère

etc.

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